Loneliness – Why It Has Become An Epidemic

Loneliness has become an epidemic. There are more lonely people today than ever before. If you feel lonely, find out why loneliness has become so common, and find out how to change it. Learn what you need to do to have the friends and social life you want.

This article is about lonely, loneliness, friends, friendship, relationships, social skills, making friends, shy, shyness, social life, difficulty making friends

Do you often feel lonely? If you do, you may spend a lot of time wondering what’s wrong with you.

It may seem as if everyone else but you has lots of friends. It may seem like everyone else is always getting invited to go to exciting parties. And it may seem like you’re the only one who is left at home, waiting for the phone to ring, wondering why no one ever calls you to invite you out.

Actually, loneliness is much more common than you might think. There is actually an epidemic of loneliness in many societies today.

This may surprise you.

After all, so many millions of us in the modern world are jammed close together in large teeming cities, and we have at hand all the technological conveniences that are supposed to bring people closer together, such as e-mail, telephones, faxes, and the Internet. Why are so many of us more lonely than ever?

The reason is that society has changed very rapidly in the past two or three hundred years. Many of the social factors that used to make it easy to make and keep friends for a lifetime have disappeared.

Families have changed a lot in recent decades. A hundred years ago, most families were very large, with many children, aunts and uncles and cousins living close by. Family members often worked together on the farm or in a family business all day long.

Today, families have shrunk in size, and family members are now so busy with their own separate projects, they rarely see each other. Families break up more often than they used to, and it is now much more common for family members to move thousands of miles away, to new jobs, new wives, or new husbands.

People used to live in the same small community for their entire lives. They stayed in the same job for decades.

These factors made it easy to make friends and keep friends.

Today, many people change jobs every few years, and they move to new cities, and leave behind family members and friends.

And many people today are very, very busy. In many ways, modern technology has not freed us from having to work harder. It has actually had the opposite effect of making us work harder and faster just to stay in the same place.

Another factor that contributes to increased loneliness is modern entertainment and communication technology.

Before the advent of television and the Internet, people had ways of having fun together every day. Many of these primitive methods of having fun have almost disappeared in the modern world.

In the old days, people used to actually talk to each other! They would play games together. They would make music.

Now this sort of primitive entertainment only occurs during a power outage. Most people now feel lost without a TV set and computer. Even in the same family, people barely know each other.

The increase in these modern forms of communication have actually decreased other forms of human interaction.

As people spend more time on the Internet, or with their text messaging, or playing games on computers, they are spending far less time actually interacting with the people around them. It has become a lot easier for people to cocoon themselves in their homes, and never see anyone.

Many people are actually spending less time developing their social skills while they may be vastly improving their computer skills.

In the modern world it seems almost everyone is pressed for time. We are often far too busy at work to develop friendships, and when we come home exhausted at the end of the day, we are too tired to make plans to socialize.

Some of us live in neighborhoods where it isn’t really safe to go out after dark. It becomes all too easy to eat a quick supper and spend our evening hours mentally decompressing in front of the television set or computer.

Loneliness is a bigger problem for more people today than at any previous time in history. The truly ironic fact about loneliness is that if you are lonely, you are not alone!

Still, even if you have been lonely in the past, and even if you feel lonely today, it is possible to make new friends in this modern world.

If you have been suffering from loneliness, it’s time to stop blaming yourself, and it’s time to stop blaming the rest of the world. It’s time to do something to solve the problem of loneliness.

You can make new friends and have the social life you dream of. To have more friends you will have to learn new techniques of socializing and making conversation. You will have to make the effort to meet many more new people.

If you learn the secrets of those people who make friends easily, and implement these techniques into your life, you too can have a happy social life.

Your loneliness will be a thing of the past!

Lifestyles in Healthy Aging

Aging for most of us is not something we are looking forward to. Life can go on for many years. In view of the fact, we all need to learn how to relax and take care of ourselves so we can see a brighter future.

We all need to make our life simple. Keeping it simple will help reduce stress. Sometimes we have to give up our long-year running homes where our children were raised. As one ages the stress of preserving, our home increases. Money usually becomes a big issue, which causes stress. The maintenance and taxes alone are very stressful for someone that is living on social security these days.

How to decide:
Do you plan to stay in the same area you live now? Do you prefer to live in a better climate? The questions demand an answer before mortgaging your home. If you plan to move to a better climate to live healthier, consider the climate. Many of us suffer from allergies, hay fever, or other ailments due to climate changes. If you plan to live healthier and reduce, your risks of upper respiratory conditions then consider your options before making a decision to move. You want to consider your budget as well. If you are living a fixed-income, consider the low-cost housing projects.

In your community, you may find housing projects for seniors. If you want to cut back your expenses without moving to another climate, consider these options. You will find housing for seniors however in other areas in the event you choose to move. Many housing projects for the seniors will provide you with links. The links are for your convenience, which includes free meals, cheap transportation and so on. At the buildings, you will likely meet new friends, which makes life more purposeful and fulfilling. Once you’ve decide where you are going to relocate it takes burden off your mind.

Don’t get me wrong there will always be some stress in your life that you will not have control of. Now that you’ve made one of the biggest decision about where you going to live, start thinking about enjoying life. Join an exercise group or get some neighbors to join you for a walk. Walk on sunny days so your body gets natural vitamin D from the sunrays. The vitamins will help keep your bones strong. Exercising helps keep us fit and is a good way to meet new people while having fun.

Don’t forget to watch your diet and make sure your getting enough vitamins to keep yourself healthy. If not sure what vitamins you need and how much consult you physician he can help you make a plan or send you to a dietician to help you with it. Sometimes as we grow older, we don’t eat as much, so supplement vitamins are needed. Your family healthcare provider can help you with this too. The world is filled with various lifestyles, so make your life your own by staying healthy and avoid sweating the small stuff. Making sound decisions is a great start to living free, which promotes healthy aging.

Living in Fear!

As we are aware, our relationships are that bigger part of our life, and our own personal growth. Our growth starts basically from our relationships. Remember when we were young looking up to our parents, or to our older brothers or sisters, sometimes envying them for being older, or just trying to understand them. But the best of all was trying to build up our relationship with them.

From that point on our own personal growth began. This initial growth, helped to direct us towards different directions in life, according to the way we did handle those early growth experiences.

I have spoken before about how our ego and pride plays part in our relationships. This time, we will look at another area that can really hit us hard when we are in a relationship, and that is fear and selflessness.

What is fear? Fear can be defined in many different ways, but we will look at fear in a relationship as our concern today.

Fear, is defined by two different aspects of our relationships. As I see it today, it is the fear of commitment and the fear of the other person in a relationship. Fear of commitment in a relationship can happen to the best of us when we have had one, or several, tough relationships or tough times growing up in this lifetime. That can help to keep that fear alive.
Why do we keep carrying around that fear? Very simple – many times we don’t know any better, and other times we are just afraid to be vulnerable, or to allow ourselves to open up. That fear can only bring unhappiness in the end.

Fear of the other person in the relationship is just as tough as that first fear but we need, and it is very important, to be honest with ourselves and to ask the question “Why are we afraid of our partner?” Why have we allowed ourselves to be stuck in that relationship for so long? What is it that created this fear in us? Why have we allowed it to go that far in the first place? Asking that, and many other good questions that need to be addressed until we click in with the answer. Do not disqualify any answer because that is what most of us do in the first place. Our intuition seems to be the last thing we trust. Just learn to trust that inner voice of yours. Fear can only be resolved by building up our own self-confidence. Your partner, in this case, probably knows that you fear him or her and may take advantage of this!

From my angle, I see again that fear lies in the way that we grew up and what we really need to look at is our own level of self-confidence. Sometimes we have been abused as a child and our self-esteem is tarnished. I wrote on these subjects before, but what we need to tackle now is on how we have chosen to build up our self-confidence and self-esteem. This is a very important start.

To be able to accomplish this you need to go back to whatever age you were when that problem started to occur. Look at it as if you were seeing yourself, and your life, as a movie in front of you. Write down everything you see, and start to listen to the way you talk today. Is there a common pattern? You should see something reoccurring over time and even in how you experience your relationships today. You will probably see that those patterns are still there, as if it were the first time it happened some ten, fifteen or twenty years ago. It is great if you can identify these patterns in your life that keep repeating, in a progressive way, time after time, or from one relationship to another. Then you will know from where you will need to begin, and fix what you have identified as needing fixing. Many times we say “but I can’t see it yet”. After time has passed, read all of the writing that you did earlier as a child growing up. Reading it later may help you to see the patterns, I guarantee that! BUT, there is one thing that you might or might not see throughout the years, and that is the negative attitude you may have about yourself, and your life, and that has to change too. If you master your attitude, then you are almost guaranteed that over eighty percent of your problem is solved. Think about it for a moment please…

I learned from my own healing and working with my guides, and healing doctors, that there is no cure until it is handled at the root of the problem. Not just by the symptoms of today’s problems, or else nothing (or a very little amount) will change. New problems will surface later on because the understanding of the early stage of the problem hasn’t been identified and this may prevent us from being provided with the answer to a happier existence. It really does not matter why things happened in the first place, as long as we learn to accept our unfortunate situation. Forgive, bless it, and let it go. It won’t take a lifetime for things to change in your life from that point on. That’s from my own personal experiences.

Sometimes, this process is very hard and painful to go through. Your old life experiences, and your energy level, might go to the bottom, but not as long as you know why you are doing it in the first place. It’s not a long process but two important factors are required YOU being involved in the first place. It is your life after all, and your own personal responsibility. Without those two ingredients we will keep running in a circle.

As you see when you properly handle the first stage of the problem, all of the symptoms or hurdles will fall and disappear instantly without even realizing it, because it is no longer important to your mind, heart and soul. It has been solved!

After all, the worse thing any Soul has to endure is living in fear, all of their life, especially while next to their partner, and the people who they love.

Enjoy your relationships with the people you love, and cherish it for all that it’s worth, because life is worth living and it should be in harmony.

Lies People Tell

All people lie some of the time. They use words to convey their lies while their body language usually gives them away. This is curious. Why did evolution prefer this self defeating strategy? The answer lies in the causes of the phenomenon.

We lie for three main reasons and these give rise to three categories of lies:

1.. The Empathic Lie – is a lie told with the intention of sparing someone’s feelings. It is a face saving lie – but someone else’s face. It is designed to prevent a loss of social status, the onslaught of social sanctions, the process of judgement involved in both. It is a derivative o our ability to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes – that is, to empathize. It is intended to spare OUR feelings, which are bound to turn more and more unpleasant the more we sympathize with the social-mental predicament of the person lied to. The reverse, brutal honesty, at all costs and in all circumstances – is a form of sadistic impulse. The lie achieves its goal only if the recipient cooperates, does not actively seek the truth out and acquiescently participates in the mini-drama unfolding in his honour.

2.. The Egocentric Lie – is a lie intended to further the well being of the liar. This can be achieved in one of two ways. The lie can help the liar to achieve his goals (a Goal Seeking Lie) or to avoid embarrassment, humiliation, social sanctions, judgement, criticism and, in general, unpleasant experiences related to social standing (a Face Saving Lie). The Goal Seeking Lie is useful only when considering the liar as an individual, independent unit. The Face Saving type is instrumental only in social situations. We can use the terms: Individualistic Lie and Social Lie respectively.

3.. The Narcissistic Lie – is separated from his brethren by its breadth and recursiveness. It is all-pervasive, ubiquitous, ever recurring, all encompassing, entangled and intertwined with all the elements of the liar’s life and personality. Moreover, it is a lie of whose nature the liar is not aware and he is convinced of its truth. But the people surrounding the Narcissist liar notice the lie. The Narcissist-liar is rather like a hunchback without a mirror. He does not believe in the reality of his own hump. It seems that where the liar does not believe his own lies – he succeeds in convincing his victims rather effectively. When he does believe in his own inventions – he fails miserably at trapping his fellow men.

Confabulations are an important part of life. They serve to heal emotional wounds or to prevent ones from being inflicted in the first place. They prop-up the confabulator’s self-esteem, regulate his (or her) sense of self-worth, and buttress his (or her) self-image. They serve as organizing principles in social interactions.

Father’s wartime heroism, mother’s youthful good looks, one’s oft-recounted exploits, erstwhile alleged brilliance, and past purported sexual irresistibility – are typical examples of white, fuzzy, heart-warming lies wrapped around a shriveled kernel of truth.

But the distinction between reality and fantasy is rarely completely lost. Deep inside, the healthy confabulator knows where facts end and wishful thinking takes over. Father acknowledges he was no war hero, though he did his share of fighting. Mother understands she was no ravishing beauty, though she may have been attractive. The confabulator realizes that his recounted exploits are overblown, his brilliance exaggerated, and his sexual irresistibility a myth.

Such distinctions never rise to the surface because everyone – the confabulator and his audience alike – have a common interest to maintain the confabulation. To challenge the integrity of the confabulator or the veracity of his confabulations is to threaten the very fabric of family and society. Human intercourse is built around such entertaining deviations from the truth.

This is where the narcissist differs from others (from “normal” people).

His very self is a piece of fiction concocted to fend off hurt and to nurture the narcissist’s grandiosity. He fails in his “reality test” – the ability to distinguish the actual from the imagined. The narcissist fervently believes in his own infallibility, brilliance, omnipotence, heroism, and perfection. He doesn’t dare confront the truth and admit it even to himself.

Moreover, he imposes his personal mythology on his nearest and dearest. Spouse, children, colleagues, friends, neighbors – sometimes even perfect strangers – must abide by the narcissist’s narrative or face his wrath. The narcissist countenances no disagreement, alternative points of view, or criticism. To him, confabulation IS reality.

The coherence of the narcissist’s dysfunctional and precariously-balanced personality depends on the plausibility of his stories and on their acceptance by his Sources of Narcissistic Supply. The narcissist invests an inordinate time in substantiating his tales, collecting “evidence”, defending his version of events, and in re-interpreting reality to fit his scenario. As a result, most narcissists are self-delusional, obstinate, opinionated, and argumentative.

The narcissist’s lies are not goal-orientated. This is what makes his constant dishonesty both disconcerting and incomprehensible. The narcissist lies at the drop of a hat, needlessly, and almost ceaselessly. He lies in order to avoid the Grandiosity Gap – when the abyss between fact and (narcissistic) fiction becomes too gaping to ignore.

The narcissist lies in order to preserve appearances, uphold fantasies, support the tall (and impossible) tales of his False Self and extract Narcissistic Supply from unsuspecting sources, who are not yet on to him. To the narcissist, confabulation is not merely a way of life – but life itself.

We are all conditioned to let other indulge in pet delusions and get away with white, not too egregious, lies. The narcissist makes use of our socialization. We dare not confront or expose him, despite the outlandishness of his claims, the improbability of his stories, the implausibility of his alleged accomplishments and conquests. We simply turn the other cheek, or meekly avert our eyes, often embarrassed.

Moreover, the narcissist makes clear, from the very beginning, that it is his way or the highway. His aggression – even violent streak – are close to the surface. He may be charming in a first encounter – but even then there are telltale signs of pent-up abuse. His interlocutors sense this impending threat and avoid conflict by acquiescing with the narcissist’s fairy tales. Thus he imposes his private universe and virtual reality on his milieu – sometimes with disastrous consequences.