The 4 Week Diet

How To Stop The Fighting In Your Relationships

For some couples fighting is the fire that keeps their relationships alive. It lets them know the other cares. Many are determined to win a battle that never ends. Others try to right the wrongs they have experienced in the past with someone new. Unfortunately, this kind of behavior is doomed to failure. When we bring baggage from a former relationship into the present, all new relationships simply become a continuation of the past.

What People Get Out of Fighting

It is important to understand why couples keep fighting. For some fighting is a fire that keeps their relationships alive. It lets them know the other cares, things aren’t really over, and sparks still fly between them. Fighting can keep these couples bonded, causing them to think about each other a great deal.

Some love power struggles. They love winning and feeling power over the other. This makes them feel strong.Fighting can easily become a habit, something individuals fall into automatically and instinctively. Needless to say, fighting prevents real communication from developing. It is a way of threatening or blaming the other. Rather than really addressing issues, it causes a situation to remain stuck.

Without a good fight, a relationship is over,” says Mary, a twenty six year old administrative assistant. “The lights have gone off between us. It’s a sign my partner no longer cares.”

Mary, who was recently divorced and is now in another choppy relationship feels that eventually she’ll marry a man with whom she can fight – and survive the storms. ” I respect a guy who I can fight with, who can take me as I am.”

For Mary being angry, fighting and winning has became her identity. Without it, she no longer knows who she truly is. She does not see price she is paying for this kind of relationship or what toll it takes on all concerned.

Unfortunately, the anger many individuals live with on a daily basis can become crystallized into their identity. Once this identity becomes habitual, the individuals soon have no idea who they would be without it. Needless to say, this blocks out much of the happiness, flexibility, communication and intimacy they desire.

“I’m not letting her walk all over me,” Roger would balk whenever his ex wife expressed her needs to him now, or brought up any issue. Rather than listening to what she had to say, he immediately took it as criticism. “She’s trying to tell me I’m inadequate,” he would declare. The war was on. What started as a conversation, turned into a power struggle. From Roger’s point of view, his very manhood was at stake.

However, as long as any of us hold onto our anger and continue fighting, there is no hope of working the problems through, or even truly understanding what is really going on. Roger could not pause and realize that his partner’s needs and feelings had nothing to do with him. He was determined to take whatever she said or did personally and keep feeling badly about himself. These are many consequences when we cling to anger and allow it to turn into our sense of who we are.

Beyond that, it’s impossible not to receive the fruits of what you have put forth. “As you sow, so shall you reap,” is an immutable law of living. Although we may justify all kinds of behavior it is absolutely inevitable that we will experience the consequences of our thoughts, actions and deeds. Depression arises, hopelessness and the inability to love again.

There are many steps involved in letting go of anger. The very first step is to realize that anger is a toxin. It is not a source of strength or power, but can become an addiction, a substitute for true power and wisdom, something that hinders our well being and stops our life from going forward.

There are definite steps we can take to undo anger. And in order to begin a new chapter and to build a positive relationship both with ourselves and others, it is necessary to begin this process.
Here are a few steps one can take to begin. They are taken from The Anger Diet which offers one step a day for thirty days. These following guidelines are simple, but powerful. Why not try them today and see.

Putting An End To The War

  1. Stop Blaming – It is absolutely pointless for you to blame yourself or the other. Blame stops you from seeing the truth. While we are engaged in pointing a finger, and making the other feel guilty, we cannot see what is really going on. Blame is a way to keep the fight alive. TAKE A VACATION FROM BLAME FOR ONE DAY. Instead of thinking of all the ways the person has hurt you keep your eyes open to watch how you may be stoking the fires. Focus upon what the person has done for you, instead, the ways in which they have been kind.

2) Realize The Price You Are Paying For These Fights Unless we truly realize the terribly toll fighting is taking on us, we will continue it automatically. Honestly take note of the consequences each fight brings, what it is doing to your body, mind and spirit. Then ask do I truly want this? Haven’t I suffered enough? Why not stop it today?

3)  Know There Is A Better Way – You have to become aware that there is a better way to be in a relationship. This is the time to expand your view. Define success as being happy rather than being right. Learn other tools and techniques which will de-escalate anger and make a positive relationship possible for you.

4) Build A Strong Sense of Self-Worth

The basis of all good relationships is a feeling of worthiness, a desire to honor, gift and pleasure yourself, and to do the same for the other. Choose this kind of relationship and let go of all that opposes it.

As we have the courage to let go of anger, not only does our health improve, but soon we notice many kinds of wonderful, new people and experiences entering our lives. We attract what we focus upon. When we focus upon well-being, forgiveness and love, that is what will fill our lives.




Will You Survive a Relationship Breakdown?

Relationships connect us in this world with each other. We have many kinds of relationships-parental, sibling, friends, professional and love. We go through many phases in all these relationships. Ups and downs are part of our life and our relationships. Most of us can bear break down in most of the above relationships except those of love. Why? Who will survive a breakdown in romantic relationship and who will get shattered? Let us discuss.

The higher the attraction, the higher will be the shock. The closer you are, the break up will give you more shock. It is very simple equation. But let us remember that life is not made of equations and emotions do not behave mathematically. So it all boils down to personality. There are some who expect the relationship to break sooner or later. They are pessimists and call themselves practical. These people are never surprised if the relationship breaks. They may wonder about the reasons but will not suffer trauma.

On the other extreme, we have some people who believe that they are made for each other and that the relationship, the loyalty and the faithfulness will last for the life and if possible beyond. This is the vulnerable class. If by bad fate, they are ditched by the partner, they will suffer very bad trauma. They will never believe that this could ever happen and all their life they will spend wondering how it happened. Their faith in their partner is absolute. They trust their partners most and for them the shock of the broken trust is unbearable. They need psychiatric help. Hopefully with professional help they may recover. But at times the trauma is uncontrollable. They lose their faith in life and everyone else. The betrayal kills their inner core and the will to carry on. If you are one such type, please go into any relationship with the awareness that your partner may not be as honest as he/she looks.

Relationship is a beautiful feeling and a wonderful experience. One tends the relationship as one cares for a tender plant. One gives ones whole being to the relationship. The breakdown therefore becomes unbearable. Sometime I feel that the world is for people who are practical and never allow their heart to rule over their mind.




On Finding Mr. Right

You think you know exactly what you want in a man, right? You can probably even list the attributes, qualities and qualifications that your future husband needs in order to apply for the job of your mate. I had a three-tiered system myself. First, there were the requirements: an interesting profession (preferably in the arts), a great sense of humor, a sterling character, financial security.

Next, there was the frosting (as in, wouldn’t-it-be-nice-if-he-were…): over six feet tall, devastatingly handsome, a cat lover. And finally, there were the deal breakers: children, difficult ex-wives, bad toupees. Of course, like you, I fancied myself to be magnanimous and flexible in as much as I was willing to overlook certain undesirable traits – say, thinning hair and a few extra pounds – for the perfect guy. Now, even if your list is different from mine, I think you know what I’m talking about.

Here’s some advice: Lose your lists now, Ladies! Mine almost kept me from getting to know my husband.

Tim and I were set up on a blind date by a mutual friend. We were both divorced and practiced daters, and knew the rules of the game. We met at a conveniently located wine bar and immediately set into the first date volley of get-to-know-you-questions: Where are you from? What do you do? How many siblings? My first impression of Tim was that he was utterly unobjectionable: nice, attractive, smartly dressed, well mannered. But something was missing . . . .

Let’s revisit my list. First off, Tim’s “interesting profession” was in finance, which to a writer like me seemed like a big snoozer of a job. Next, he was a listener, so at first glance, it didn’t appear that he had a “great sense of humor.” As for the other two requirements – a “sterling character” and “financial security” – both are tough to determine on a first date. What he did have in spades were deal breakers – two sons (teenagers, no less) and a horrific ex-wife. My thought bubble at the time? Check, please. What to do next was a no-brainer: I finished my glass of Shiraz, graciously declined his dinner invitation, gave him a peck on the cheek and thought, Nice knowing you, Buddy. I went home, curled up with a book and didn’t give Tim or our date a second thought.

Luckily for me, my husband didn’t subscribe to the list mentality himself. He called. He pursued. He courted. I joked about him to my friends – Who was this suit and why wouldn’t he just leave me alone? But Tim was sincere in his feelings and steadfast in his determination. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. Since I refused to make time for proper dates for weeks, he tagged along to some readings and other literary events.

Reluctantly, over the course of several months, I got to know him. Turns out, Tim is unquestionably the man of my dreams, though he bears little resemblance to the fantasy man I thought I’d end up with. Tim is funny and smart and warm beyond words and, though finance still isn’t fascinating to me, it is to him, which is all that matters in the end. He has given me a daughter and made my life happy in ways I would never have imagined. And to think, if left to my own devices – and my own list – I probably wouldn’t even remember his name right now.

Here are a few things to remember. Lists only rule people out, which isn’t a good way of allowing someone new and wonderful into your life (presumably your goal). If the guy you’re with is not as tall or as rich or as skilled in witty bantering as you thought Mr. Right should be, take the time to notice what his strengths are. It’s always easier to see what’s wrong than what’s right, and far more rewarding to do the opposite. Remember, it’s hard to find love if you’re busy thinning the herd. Besides, are you really willing to gamble potential happiness away because he doesn’t earn seven figures? Get to know the person across the table from you and above all, be open!




One Reason Men Are Not Able To Shoot Their Ejaculate

There are two reasons most men don’t naturally shoot their ejaculate. I’ll discuss one of those reasons in this article.

The first reason is because of the type of stimulation most men use to achieve orgasm.

A man has two primary approaches to stimulating himself to orgasm. The first, and most common approach, is focused on prostrate stimulation. The concept of “pounding” a woman during intercourse is nothing more than a man stimulating his prostrate.

The second approach to stimulation is focused on penis-head stimulation.

When a man is engaged in sexual intercourse, these two types of stimulation are usually blended together resulting in maximum pleasure. (This accounts for why most men are interested in intercourse over masturbation.)

When masturbating, the vast majority of men achieve orgasm primarily from prostrate stimulation – even though most of them don’t directly stimulate their prostrate.

What happens, is that as men stroke their penis shaft and/or their penis head, the majority of them either hit the base of their penis with their hand or they bend their penis, or they jerk on their penis as they stroke, all of which indirectly stimulate the prostrate. This leads to an orgasm that is based primarily on prostrate stimulation.

Early in a man’s sexual life, he will typically learn a given set of techniques that will bring him to orgasm. From then on, for the most part, he will use the same approach for the rest of his life.

For most men, masturbating in a way that stimulates the prostrate is initially more pleasurable and generally leads to orgasm more quickly – which explains why the majority of men initially learn to reach orgasm based on prostrate-based stimulation – as young men trying to figure it all out, they are trying to reach orgasm before someone catches them or starts wondering what’s going on.

And, because most men will tend to use the same technique they learned early on, few will ever experiment with other options.

To prove the sensitivity of prostrate stimulation, try “pounding” your woman during your next intercourse session (where your pelvic area – the area surrounding the base of your penis – is solidly hitting her body – but don’t hurt her – “doggy” style is a good position for this test) and see how quickly you start to feel those orgasmic feelings climbing. Then, continue stroking her but do not allow your pelvic area to hit her and notice that the orgasmic feelings either stop climbing or they may even subside slightly.

Now, the reason all of this is important is because there is a significant side-effect with a prostrate-induced orgasm. When orgasm is achieved through prostrate-based stimulation, the prostrate is so sensitive from the stimulation that the contractions that occur in order to expel semen (called the expulsion stage) are severely hampered.

As a point of comparison, it’s like tickling a ticklish person until they inadvertently urinate. They lose the control they normally have over their body functions because of the over-stimulation they feel from the tickling.

In the same way as the tickling analogy, when orgasm is reached by prostrate-based stimulation, your body is hampered in its ability to ejaculate because of the extent of stimulation.

If you would like to see this hampering effect in full force, have your woman masturbate your penis and simultaneously finger your rectum. As she fingers your rectum, she should focus her anal rubbing motions on the area that is between her finger(s) and your penis (which is where the prostrate is located).

While an orgasm in this fashion is very pleasurable, you will find that when you orgasm, you will have virtually no control over your ejaculation and your sperm will ooze and dribble out of you with even less force than you are used to. (In the absence of your woman, you can use a vibrator for the same effect.)